I called my mom yesterday because my teenage boys are fighting, and I’m having trouble knowing what to ‘do’ about that, (besides whine and ask them “Why are you doing this to ME?”).
I have to share her response with you. It was awesome.
We all come into this lifetime for the purpose of healing – bringing fragmented parts of our Self back together so that we experience the “oneness” of our true nature. We form alliances with other souls for the purpose of providing the experience we need to create situations that allow for emotional healing.
Families–parents, children, siblings, partners. BOOM! The perfect incubator for the kind of intimacy it takes to bring to light our deepest darkest fears, in essence, the perfect storm. A healthy family is a scrapping, slapping, crying (laughing, dancing, singing) group of imperfect people doing what is PERFECT–facing and releasing blocked emotional energy.
Nothing is wrong.
Our only job (which isn’t actually work, but no work, allowing rather than resisting) is to honor what is “going on” not only in our own inner emotional world, but in our childrens’ emotional worlds.
In generations preceding yours, we parented by law: fear, guilt, and punishment. (You’re welcome.)
You all are more enlightened. Not because we raised you right, but because it is time. You as parents have the residual of that rearing in your psyche, and in some respects it is still how you treat yourselves,–you’re becoming whole too– but you KNOW that teaching your children to “behave” with force and fear is insane.
You understand that your childrens’ emotions are not personal to you as the parent. Their behavior is not a reflection of you or your parenting skills; therefore, you don’t have to fear for them or blame yourself (which incites your own rage AT them). It’s not about you.
Compassion is your response. “How can we help?” But sometimes you can’t help. Sometimes a child just needs for you to HEAR him/her. And say “yes, I see that going on.” They are here to find their own Self-just like we are. Not interfering in their personal process is often the best response. What appears “broken” is only part of the healing process. “Fixing” is already in progress.
We are not broken, emotional pain is the only path home.
We can’t even fix ourselves–healing is not external, it comes from the inside out. When we try to fix ourselves, or our children. . . the foundation of our intention is already fear…well, let’s just say I’ve seen how that works.
Your the best.