Jodi’s Plant-Based Miracle: Life After Stage 4 GBM

Jodi’s Plant-Based Miracle: Life After Stage 4 GBM

Jodi’s Plant-Based Miracle: Life After Stage 4 GBM

In November of 2017, Jodi Gardner, a 50-year-old administrative assistant for Trine University, was sick with what seemed to be a nasty bug. She had an intense headache and had been vomiting for days. Unable to shake it, she went to an urgent care clinic.  She was treated for a sinus infection and sent home to rest.

By the first week of December, however, Jodi was getting worse instead of better. Her weight was dropping at an alarming rate. Her cheerful and engaging personality turned lackluster and unresponsive. She couldn’t shower—she couldn’t get out of bed. Family members were frightened by her rapid deterioration. They voiced their concerns to her doctor. Jodi was sent to Cameron Hospital for a brain scan.

The scan revealed a stage 4 Glioblastoma multiforme (GBM), the deadliest form of brain cancer. Jodi’s tumor was the size of a baseball and crossed the midline—which is the worst-case scenario. Without treatment, survival is typically three months. Even advanced medical care only extends life expectancy 12 to 15 months. Jodi was taken for emergency surgery at Lutheran Hospital, and 97 percent of the tumor was removed. But her surgeon, Dr. Jeffrey Kachmann, was candid with Jodi and her family about the prognosis. “With such an aggressive resection and treatment, it is possible to see miracles. But I’ve never seen one. In this case, it’s unlikely.”

 

 

Dr. Kachmann also offered a directive. He advised the entire family: “Diet is your best weapon. Sugar feeds cancer. Processed foods contain chemicals that cause inflammation and prevent healing. If you want to add years to Jodi’s life, she needs to eat a strict, whole food, plant-based diet.” He gave them a list of his favorite documentaries, books and websites and encouraged them to do more research on their own.

Hearing a thread of hope, Jodi’s husband took Dr. Kachmann’s advice. Doug, a 49-year-old engineer, watched the films and read several books. By the time Jodi got home from the hospital, the pantry was clear. Jodi’s Mountain Dew, M&Ms and cigarettes were gone. He said, “I got rid of the obvious bad stuff and just did the best I could. I was already used to cooking dinner every night, but we had been a meat and potatoes family. I just started making substitutions—you know beans instead of meat. But Jodi couldn’t eat much after surgery, anyway.”

The next few months were perilous. Jodi resisted the dietary changes that she felt were being imposed on her. “I was actually mad,” she says. “I loved Mountain Dew. I used to keep a case in my car.” She longed for the foods that were previously a source of comfort; the new rules irritated her. She sometimes referred to Doug as her “truant officer” when he blocked a craving.  And once, at the grocery store, Jodi asked Doug’s sister, Julie, if she was the “food Nazi.” Julie recalls, “I answered honestly. ‘Yes, I guess I am.’ It was okay that she was mad. I’d rather be the bad guy than have an empty seat at the table.”

For several months, Jodi struggled with the dietary limitations. Meanwhile, chemotherapy and radiation were delayed. The incision on her forehead wasn’t healing and she had to undergo plastic surgery. The setbacks proved to be devastating. At a checkup in February of 2018, she was told the tumor had grown back. When Dr. Kachmann delivered the news, he asked Jodi about her diet. She openly admitted to what she felt were minor lapses. He reiterated the importance of completely avoiding sugar and eating plant-based. She decided then and there, no more exceptions. This was life or death.

 

Jodi’s family stood ready to support her. Doug was at her side round the clock. He continued to cook plant-based, monitor food labels and avoid sugar. He noticed that even the BOOST ® shake recommended for weight gain was high in sugar. He pointed out the problem to Jodi’s mom, Judy, who researched recipes and delivered a high protein plant-based shake every day during the six weeks of Jodi’s chemotherapy and radiation. Judy, who worked as a critical care nurse for over 30 years, knew that Jodi’s odds of beating the tumor were bleak. She said, “I had never considered diet to be an essential factor in healing. But when Dr. Kachmann said she needed to cut the sugar and follow a plant-based diet, we decided to follow his recommendation. At the very least, it gave us a sense of power. We felt there was something we could all do to help.” Jodi cherishes the memory of her loved ones’ efforts. “I became so weak and lost so much muscle. It was a struggle to do anything. All I did was lay in bed twenty-hours a day and eat the vegetables and fruit they brought me. I had to build myself back up,” she said.

Dr. Kachmann’s advice motivated Jodi and her family to take responsibility for changes within their control. “We watched every documentary on the sheet,” recalls Julie. The family found one documentary to be especially relevant to Jodi’s situation. The C-Word (2015) details neuroscientist Dr. David Sevran-Schreiber’s journey to heal from brain cancer after surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. Diagnosed at age 31 and given months to live, he not only survived, but thrived for another twenty years. Dr. Sevran-Schreiber says in the film, “I realized they were doing everything they could to kill cancer cells, but they weren’t doing anything to help my body resist cancer itself.”

Doug and Jodi Gardner also purchased Dr. Sevran-Schreiber’s book, Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life. While the book details a multitude of scientific evidence for the power of nutrition over disease, it does not promote false hope. It doesn’t promise that simply eating kale or celery is a cure. The core message emphasizes the importance of nurturing the body’s innate physical, emotional and spiritual defenses, while also receiving appropriate medical treatment.

The Gardner family is doing more than playing defense with food. They are grounded in their strong Christian faith. “I was not afraid,” Jodi recalls. “I never stopped praising God. He is good. I knew I would be ok. I knew where I would be, regardless.” The Gardner’s believe in prayer and community; church members intercede daily on Jodi’s behalf. They also believe in the strength of their family unit. Every Sunday, the large and lively clan gathers for a meal. Four generations of parents, children, siblings, spouses and friends exchange stories, talk about their faith and of course, share good food with one another.

Jodi’s cancer has changed the whole family’s approach to nutrition. Jody said, “We are very grateful to God that our eyes have been opened to see that whole, real foods can help and heal the body. We now actually crave vegetables and fruit and look forward to trying foods we’ve never eaten before.” Doug’s mom, Louise, said, “The more you look into the information about bad food, the easier it is to understand how we get sick. Your body has to fight off all the stuff that isn’t natural. I used to buy candy and pop for my grandkids. I thought I was being a good person. And here I was, buying them poison. The more I learn about what’s in the food, the madder I get.”

Jodi returned to work five months after being diagnosed with GBM. Her cancer is in remission. She says, “I know the diet helped me, but God healed me. We will be plant-based for the rest of our lives.” Doug knows Jodi’s return to health is a legitimate miracle but respects the call to diligence. “We can’t let our foot off the gas. We need to stay the course. So, we watch the documentaries and revisit the facts” he says. “We wouldn’t have known about plant-based eating if it wasn’t for Dr. Kachmann. That advice meant a lot, coming from a surgeon. If he hadn’t said anything, we would have continued as we were. And God only knows where we’d be.”

This week, twenty-six months after the GBD diagnosis delivered a death sentence, Jodi received another clean bill of health from Dr. Kachmann. She remains committed to her diet and living a healthy and happy cancer-free life.

 

Health Coaching Tools: The Wellness Wheel

Health Coaching Tools: The Wellness Wheel

Ever heard the saying, “If you keep having the same problem, you’re the problem?” Yep. That’s true. Wherever I go, there I am. I’m a health coach but I’m also human. Just when I think I’ve figured everything out, another episode of Groundhog Day starts in a familiar fog of deja’ vu. It’s not easy to live and learn at the same time.

Training to be a health coach has opened my eyes to a whole new way (new to me, not necessarily anyone else) of dealing with the darker aspects of myself. I used to assume that healing requires insight to the root cause of an issue. But I’ve learned that understanding why something is wrong doesn’t change what is wrong. Explanations don’t produce change. We can spend a lot of money to have a doctor tell us what’s wrong. We can spend even more to have a therapist tell us why it’s wrong.

Or we can let go of the cause and work on the solution.

Let me share a wee-bit-too personal story of how health coaching worked for me.

In the fall of 2015, I fell into a post-marathon funk. I hadn’t actually run a marathon, but a finish line had been crossed. My book was finally sent to the publisher. And during the three years it had taken me to finish it, I had gone through a divorce, moved with my four children, remarried and inherited three stepchildren. After many intense struggles, highs and lows, my life down-shifted from chaos into peace overnight.

But I don’t do peace very well. Survival mode is motivating, albeit stressful. With no more fires to fight, I was at a loss for what to do next. There was no “normal” to get back to—too much had changed. So I enrolled in a health coaching certification program, hoping that furthering my education would help me figure out what came next.

What came next was winter–both actual and proverbial. Despite the fact that nothing was wrong—everything was actually right!—I felt stagnant and depressed. I’d go days without leaving the house. I slept too little, drank too much and forgot to work out. My sense of self and self-esteem seemed out of reach.

The health-coaching program proved to be a lifeline. In learning how to help others caught in their own spirals of descent, I was given the tools to help myself. And it was unlike any intervention I might have predicted. I had assumed that since there was nothing wrong in my life, the problem must be me. Crap . . . wherever I go, there I am.

But there was something wrong in my life. Looking at it from a holistic view helped me to see living in survival mode had allowed me to neglect other areas of my life. When survival mode ended, I was dazed and confused because I thrive on community and connection. Without those, I stop thriving. Health and happiness are inextricably linked, and require balance in all facets of life–not just the areas we prefer to focus on at the expense of the others. The epiphany came with an activity called the Wellness Wheel. There are 12 domains, each represented by a spoke in the wheel. I rated my satisfaction in each domain. It was immediately obvious why I wasn’t rolling steady through life like I should be. My wheel had a flat.

But the good news is that it was just a flat–not a fatal flaw in my character or mental health. The darkness was simply a lack of light. Awareness led to action. I visualized what my ideal and balanced life would look like. Each week, I set SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely). Baby steps propelled me from my (dis)comfort zone. Soon it was spring—both real and proverbial.

Had I stuck with the assumption there was something wrong with me, the shame and guilt of my pathetic state would have perpetuated the cycle in which I was stuck. This is the beauty of health coaching. We don’t focus on what has brought you down. We focus on what will bring you up. The negative circumstances holding you back don’t matter nearly as much as the strengths and values that will move you forward. Healthy habits and happy feelings are far more rewarding than doom and gloom. Eventually the bad behaviors get “crowded out.” Balance is the most powerful anti-depressant.

Health coaching strives to solve problems so that they stay solved. Because life is full of curve balls. Accepting responsibility for your own wellness allows you to take corrective action instead of waiting around for rescue. There is always something you can do to improve today. And every something you do adds up to an even better tomorrow.

I’m a health coach, and I’m human. Groundhog Day episodes are part of my struggle. But when I find myself stuck in repeat mode, I need only to remember that there is nothing wrong with me that I can’t handle. I’ve simply put too much emphasis in one area of my life at the expense of the others. Darkness is a lack of light! Actions that restore balance turn on the light. Challenge accepted. Game on . . .

Interested in health coaching? Read more about working with me . . .

Health Coaching Explained

Health Coaching Explained

Sometimes, it’s nice to be told what to do.

Just kidding.

Let me start over. When it comes to our health, we’re used to being told what to do.  It’s easier to accept a prescription than responsibility. Yet it’s our lifestyle that triggers chronic disorders and disease. And research shows (and countless people are discovering for themselves) that issues can be managed and reversed by making changes within our control.

Change is hard. For the most part, we know what we need to do. Drink less, sleep more, increase veggies and stop eating (and drinking) processed crap. Got it. But that’s too simple and also too hard. So we look for the hack. Pills are easy to swallow and programs get quick results. There are solutions at every price point.

But what happens when the pills cause more problems than they solve? Or when the program stops working because we can’t stick with it? Depending on our personality, we buy into the next promise or stoically accept our fate.

There’s another option—a new buzzword in town. I’ll explain what health coaching is, how it’s different than what you might expect, and why it works. It’s a complete shift from the normal “help” we’ve been offered. I’ll be honest. I didn’t understand health coaching until after I became one.

I wanted to be a certified health coach because I know a lot about nutrition and wellness. And I love to talk about it. Free advice is my specialty . . . you’re welcome. I’m the go-to gal with the fun food facts. Heck. I even wrote a book. Evidently, I had a lot to say–it’s so thick that few people actually finish reading it. It’s like a bible. But that’s ok–I’m proud of it. I continue to share the good news in every medium I can manage. Just sit next to me at the next band competition and see for yourself. Bring a notebook in case you want to write stuff down.

What is a Health Coach?

Imagine my shock when I learned in the certification process that effective coaches listen more than they talk. This was disappointing in light of my abundant words of wisdom. It was awkward to learn that my advice won’t work for everyone. In fact, it may not work for me indefinitely. I can’t lay claim to having the answers. My job as a coach is to help others figure out what they need, what works for them, and most importantly, how to auto-correct as life evolves.

From a young age, we’re told that the professional opinion is the correct answer. Experts are the authority. And this is true in many situations. Medical school is a legal prerequisite for diagnosing disease. But while doctors do prescribe treatment, it is not their job to guide you step-by-step to wellness. Doctors manage what’s wrong. In contrast, coaches help you discover how to get right.

Coaching is an emerging field in healthcare. Thus, most people do not understand what we do and where we fit into the big picture. It’s unlikely that your doctor has referred you to a health coach, and less likely that your insurance company agrees to pay for it. The landscape is changing fast, as evidence demonstrates that coaching yields significant results (at a fraction of the cost). For now however, we are still outliers in the system (aka out-of-pocket-eers). That will change in the near future.

Despite my theoretical understanding of coaching, I still gave a lot of advice when I began seeing clients. That paradigm is hard to shake. Clients expected me to be the expert and I wanted to deliver. And in the short-term, my rules (or anyone else’s) can work. Try this! Do that. You’ll likely make some headway. But eventually, there is a wall. Following someone else’s program requires a lot of willpower because it belongs to someone else. Eventually, you run out of steam and it doesn’t work anymore.

How Does Health Coaching Work?

When the walls closed in on my clients, and my advice was no longer working, I felt as discouraged as they did. Their failures became my own. So I enrolled in a masters degree program. I knew that I could do better. Coaching is a skill. Done well, it is powerful—just look at the results that business, executive and life coaches get! They charge big bucks, and the investment pays for itself many times over. Within a few months of entering the program, I made the turn. I got it. I stopped talking and started asking questions. And the answers were there.

We are each the expert of our own life. My job as a coach is to help you own that. There is no such thing as an “unmotivated” person. We’re all motivated by something. Sometimes our brain-wires get crossed. Coaching untangles those wires and brings clarity to our behaviors. I ask questions like, “You said this, but you’re doing that. Why?” And your answer leads to the next step. Connecting to your own unique values and God-given strengths results in lasting change.

My clients made the turn with me, once I stopped assuming I knew what they needed. They reached their goals and now push beyond. In turn, they inspire me. That’s what I love about coaching. I get to grow too. I do offer direction when asked, but now it’s more like an open-ended set of options. My clients chose their path. Together we evaluate the results and plan the next step. I don’t miss giving a lot of advice because plain and simple, that didn’t work. Failure isn’t rewarding.

And that proves that personal transformation is possible. Because if I can figure out how and why to stop telling people what they need to do next, you can change too!

P.S.: Please realize that results don’t happen overnight. I am not offering a quick fix, rather  real and lasting transformation. Together we will take one step at a time, and you will get where you want to go in a way that allows you to stay there. Check out Anna and Missy’s stories below. I’ve worked with both of these ladies for over a year.

Who Needs a Health Coach?

In my opinion, everyone can benefit from health coaching. Including me. In my observation, there are three categories of people:

  • Those struggling and want help.
  • Those struggling but prefer to argue that change is not possible.
  • Those who aren’t struggling but are ready to tackle a new goal.

Which category describes you? Would you like to give health coaching a try? I offer free consultations. Submit a health history form and I’ll contact you for an appointment. 

What is a Health Coaching Program?

Health coaches often have a specialty that appeals to a specific group of people. The overall focus of my program is nutrition and wellness. Though every client is unique, I most often deal with people looking to lose weight or maintain their weight loss, balance gut health and improve digestion, reduce chronic symptoms like pain, allergies and IBS, combat cravings, manage stress, and/or incorporate more home-cooked meals with meal plans, recipes and efficient strategies. My intention is to help you:

  • Discover what foods or diet plan works best for your body.
  • Assess your life from a holistic perspective.
  • Identify assumptions and thought patterns that are working against you.
  • Find true motivation, inspiration and energy.
  • Focus forward with timely, achievable and realistic goals.

My health coaching program provides you with:•

  • Two private 50-minute sessions per month
  • Ongoing email and phone support between sessions
  • Simple healthy recipes and nutritional guidance
  • Resources specific to your needs and goals (books, videos, websites, handouts, etc.)

What is Group Coaching?

Working one-on-one with a health coach means that every session is all about you. However, so much can be learned from others. Tapping into collective wisdom and experiences, and brainstorming from different perspectives can lead to discoveries you might otherwise miss. Group coaching is based on a team environment of confidentiality and trust, where group members are open to being coached. Themes arise from individual issues and questions. Discussions and exercises reveal varying perspectives that can offer a feeling of normality, inspiration, and multiple layers of support and accountability.

Success Stories

Anna M.–Tallahassee, Florida

“I have been a single mom since shortly after my children were born. For 10 years, I worked in a high stress job and spent all of my time taking care of my kids. Fourteen months ago, my weight hit an all time high. I was five feet tall, 165 pounds, and needed Spanx to squeeze into my biggest clothes. So I spent a year going to a personal trainer 3-4 times a week, and cut back on unhealthy food. When I didn’t loose any weight, my doctor referred me to a metabolic specialist, who found that my triglycerides were at 602, and my total cholesterol was at 347. A genetic test indicated that I don’t metabolize cholesterol very well. Statins were prescribed, and I was told I’d need them the rest of my life. But even at small doses, the side effects were immediate. Muscle fatigue, cramping, flu-like symptoms, daily exhaustion, and several severe depressive episodes were debilitating. I tried at least five different statins and each was as bad as the last.

I couldn’t live this way. So I did my research and made a decision. I believed that if I changed my lifestyle, cleaned up my diet and lost weight, I wouldn’t need those drugs. But I felt like I’d already tried everything! Even my doctor believed I’d always need the statins regardless of my efforts. It seemed hopeless.

And then I started working with Colleen. Unexpectedly, most of our sessions were not spent talking about what I should and shouldn’t eat. Self-defeating thought patterns were my greatest challenge. Colleen helped me get out of my own way and overcome my fear that things would never change. Every small step gave me the confidence to take another. I just needed someone else to believe in me until I could believe too. The weight was slow to come off and I had to push through frequent plateaus. But I now weigh a healthy 118 pounds. My cholesterol and triglycerides have dropped into the normal range—off the statins!—and continue to fall. And I have no fear that I can’t sustain this. Colleen didn’t just help me lose weight. She guided me to a completely new perspective. Her coaching style – combining both nutritional and psychological counseling – has been instrumental in my success. I know that I did the work, but I give Colleen all of the credit. And now that I have the knowledge (and the energy!) I will pay this success forward, starting with my kids!” –Anna M.

Missy B. — Fort Wayne, IN

“I lost over 100 pounds on my own. And then it started coming back. It was embarrassing and shameful to think I was destined to be among the 95 percent of people who regain all their weight. I envied the healthy and active people who seemed to have it easier than I did. Working with Colleen gave me the tools and skills to transform my relationship with my body and my understanding of food. She encouraged me to trust my intuition. She challenged me to break my own rules (because they were holding me back). Now, for the first time in my life, I am happy with myself and so very proud of who I’ve become. I would never have believed this was possible without Colleen’s support.” – Missy B

The Sitting Disease

The Sitting Disease

The Sitting Disease

With the help of an upside down flower pot and old-fashioned hour glass, I’m taking a stand against the sitting disease . . .

The Sitting Disease

When asked if I am an active person, my answer is always, “Very. Totally. Always. To a fault.” I run, walk, bike, hike, practice yoga and go the gym when the weather isn’t pleasant. I take the stairs and monitor my daily step count. I don’t watch television. PS: I’m vegan, eat my weight in vegetables and I don’t smoke.

#healthy #doingitright #noworries

But when I read The Sitting Disease by Dr. Rudy Kachmann (my father-in-law), I realized that I had missed one major detail. As a writer, I sit for long periods of time. Sometimes so long that when my husband comes home from work, I’m still in my pajamas, sitting in the same position I was in when he left twelve hours earlier. He once told me that he’s never seen anyone with such severe cases of ADD and OCD. (Is that a bipolar joke?)

“You need to move,” he’d say. “Sitting that long is not healthy.”

Common sense logic assured me that wasn’t true. “Sitting is no different than standing in one place for hours on end, like you do in the operating room. I have to focus when I write. It’s part of the job.”

It is fitting that, being wrong for the first (and only) time in the history of our relationship (past and future), the magnitude of error was higher than expected. I was not only wrong, I was dead wrong. Sitting is not the same as standing. And the longer you sit, the worse it gets.

According to Dr. James Levine of the Mayo Clinic, “Excessive sitting is a lethal activity.” Now termed the “sitting disease,” the overwhelming consensus in the scientific community is that sitting is like smoking and sugar consumption: a slow but sure way to kill yourself.

Researchers at the National Cancer Institute followed 240,000 healthy patients (no history of diabetes, heart disease or cancer). People who watched TV for 7 or more hours a day were at a much higher risk of premature death than those who watched less. And exercising an hour a day did not cancel the risks. In fact, every hour of TV viewed after age 25 reduces life expectancy by 22 minutes.[i] 

Seriously? One episode of Sixty Minutes costs 22 minutes of life? At least watching TV lends itself to raiding the refrigerator every half hour, so you are more likely to move. When I’m working on my computer, my hands and brain are so busy that I only get up to avoid peeing my pants.  

It took three years to write Life Off the Label: A Handbook for Creating Your Own Brand of Health and Happiness. Apparently, in the process, I adopted the health habits of a couch potato. I can see the headline now: Vegan and Healthy Living Expert Dies of The Sitting Disease.

But now I know something I didn’t know before. When you know better, you do better.

Prolonged sitting causes premature aging, weight gain, physical pain, reduced mental acuity, depression, heart disease and cancer. Inactivity significantly reduces cellular functions: DNA repair mechanisms are disrupted, insulin response drops, oxidative stress rises, and metabolism slows to a stop. The more we sit, the lower our quality of life and the earlier our death.

But anyone who is on their feet all day knows that sore feet, back pain and even circulation problems aren’t awesome alternatives. The cure for the sitting disease appears to be movement. Frequent switching from one posture to another reduces the problems caused by both. Staying in one position for no more than 30 minutes is ideal.

My workstation is now a standing desk. I want a motorized one with adjustable arms for my monitor and keyboard. For now, I’m using a flowerpot turned upside down. When the sand runs out in my old-fashioned half-hour glass, I stretch and do stair laps, wall pushups and squats. Curing the sitting disease is the equivalent of quitting smoking and it feels great!

I am surprised to report that it feels just as natural to read, type and use the mouse while standing as it does when sitting. (My OCD survives my ADD.) Standing up actually feels better. (I feel like a boss.) My breathing is deeper and I’m more inclined to move around since I’m already on my feet. The pain and tightness that come with long hours stuck in a chair have all but disappeared. After my movement breaks, I am sharper and more focused. In general, I have more energy. 

If work requires you to be in one place, get creative. Life is too short to feel anything but awesome. Share this info-graph with someone you love. Don’t race for the cure to disease. Stand up. 

Sitting Disease by the Numbers

Sources:

[i] Sinha, Sanjai. “The Adverse Metabolic Consequences of Sitting.” Diabetes Learning Center, MedPage Today. August 3, 2013. http://www.medpagetoday.com/resource-center/diabetes/Adverse-Metabolic-Consequences-Sitting/a/34050

Thirteen Life Lessons Learned from my 13-Year Old Daughter

Thirteen Life Lessons Learned from my 13-Year Old Daughter

Today is my daughter’s 13th birthday. In honor of our time together, I reflect on the gift her life is to me.

  1. Grades are game tokens. Anna reads between the lines. In the 6th grade, her common sense surpassed the institution. “I get the material, mom. Why do I need to do extra work? I mean really, who cares about grades?” Well, babe, it depends on what you want. Society agrees that grades reflect intelligence. In reality, grades reflect the ability to follow the rules. So it just depends on what game you want to play. Play to win, my dear.
  2. Real girlfriends don’t do drama. “Who cares who sits next to who at lunch? I mean, really, Sally (not her real name) came up with a schedule to make sure everyone has a turn sitting next to each other. Who makes time to do that? And what is this ‘group’ thing about? I like a lot of people. I don’t care who I sit next to, or even which table I sit at.”
  3. Mindcraft skills do not transfer to the real world. Anna can spend hours, days, (Ok, maybe months) creating cities, partnering with friends to enhance communities, utilizing natural resources and fostering a healthy economy. However, she and her sister cannot do the dishes without engaging in all-out war.
  4. Personality trumps hair. Anna got the hair I’ve always wanted–thick, long, gorgeous hair that will do whatever she wants. Fixing it reminds me of the mannequin head that I used to practice braiding as kid. Because I couldn’t practice on my own thin, fine hair. It boggles my mind, that, with hair like that, she wears a hat. Everyday. But I get it now. People who are bigger than their hair don’t need their hair to speak for them.
  5. Quietly flying under the radar is better than loudly buzzing the tower. Most of us seek attention. We positively or negatively reward each other for behavior and we drive each other crazy by taking too much of another person’s space. Anna doesn’t seek attention. She likes her own space. She is not the squeaky wheel. She doesn’t constantly ask me for things. She self-entertains. And the older she gets, the more that works in her favor. I joke that at some point, she’ll walk in the door, having Uber’ed to Chicago and back with friends. I will not have noticed she was gone. And she will not have thought to tell me where she was going.
  6. In order to see, you have to look. Anna takes tons of pictures of nature. She notices the background of life and the little things those of us on center stage tend to miss. She’s awestruck by the deep blue auras of sunrise, and admiring of the wicked purples and reds of dusk. She notices the shadows, patterns, angles and textures that create dimensions. “Well-played, Mother Nature, well played,” she often says. Yes, indeed.
  7. Curiosity is never bored. Boredom is the bane of a mother’s existence. “I’m bored,” is a cry of war on a peaceful day. How can anyone be bored? The only place I get bored is at Disney World. The cure for boredom is curiosity. Boredom is an insult to every person on the planet who has to work for the next meal. Anna is never bored. She is learning a new language on an app she just found, reading an entire novel in a day, learning how to edit pictures on her phone, or philosophyzing with the cat. She is happy doing nothing because she’s always doing something.
  8. If you don’t like homework, don’t do it. Anna hates doing homework. Not really, she just hates doing schoolwork at home. When missing assignments were taking a toll on her grades, we strategized and came up with a plan: she’d stay after school until her assignments were done. No more homework. She does her schoolwork at school, and when she gets home, she reads, talks to the cat or plays outside. Of course, this solution required that I pick her up instead of having her riding the bus. But the time spent in the car celebrating her accomplishments trumped the headaches of the homework dramas.
  9. Moustaches are funny. Life is fun when you wear a moustache, especially if you change up the color and size. Moustaches were a “thing” with Anna for over a year, adorning folders, bracelets, birthday cards and faces. The more moustaches, the better. And why, moustache (must-I-ask), not?
  10. Hair bows hold you back. Anna is a free spirit, unfettered by the insecurities that I struggled with as a kid. When I was in 7th grade, I got up 2 hours before school to wash and curl my hair, apply make up and change my clothes 5 times. Anna gets up, slaps on a hat, waits patiently as her brother finishes his hair, and races to the school bus.
  11. The fewer battles you pick, the more you win. Anna is very easy going, until she’s not. She doesn’t throw down over much, but when she does, I let her win if it’s possible. Because she doesn’t throw down over much, get it?
  12. Our children are not a reflection of ourselves. I am not responsible for my kids’ failures or success. I cannot give them happiness—only show them how I find happiness. Anna can do things that I never could (or thought I couldn’t), think of things I’ve never thought of, and see opportunities that I’ve missed. The less I try to direct her (um…control her), the more delighted I am by her unique perspective. I ask for just as much advice as I give.
  13. Try lots of new things. Anna came into this world with the belief that she can do anything (except chores—those are too hard). I think she weighed 42 pounds when, at the age of six, she nailed the double-back-handspring-back-tuck in gymnastics after 4 weeks. “Wow,” the coach said, “she’s got talent. She’ll go far.” But by the end of the season, she was ready to try something new. A few years of soccer and basketball prepped her for the softball and lacrosse teams. She enjoyed track—until the Robotics team appeared on her radar. She started playing the drums in 6th grade, and then learned the ukulele using an on-line app. She doesn’t ever ask for lessons. She doesn’t need them. She’s a player in life. Her motivation is simple: Be happy and do things that bring you joy.

Happy Birthday, babe. You bring me so much joy. I love you.

8 Ways to Repair Relationships at Home and at Work

8 Ways to Repair Relationships at Home and at Work

Happy Holidays! Kinda…

8 Ways to Repair Relationships at Home and at Work

We are all forced to interact with people we’d rather not. Sometimes we need to repair relationships with people we love when toxic tailspins threaten our family. Relationships are living entities and must be nurtured. Even despite good intentions, sometimes we just have to let go and move on. But when that’s not possible or desired, these 8 empowering strategies will repair relationships. Stop the circular conversations and start fresh with a positive approach.

STOP post-drama analysis and commentary.

When friction heats negative emotions, everyone involved in the conflict is going to get burned. Do not participate in discussions that rehash who said what, what they really meant and why they are wrong. Whatever you pay attention to grows; what you neglect dies. Assigning blame in order to justify your own behavior just perpetuates the problem. Don’t dwell on the dirty details. Instead take action to create solutions and look forward to new results.

START looking at the whole person and not the perceived offense.

Everyone has unseen stress that affects their behavior, and approaching people with empathy instead of judgment enhances our perception. We all have multiple roles as parents, children, siblings, subordinates, managers, co-workers and caregivers. Set your assumptions aside and take interest in the individual. What are they proud of and what challenges do they face? Offer compassion where they might need it and admiration where they deserve it. You may realize that you’ve misjudged someone or you may simply repair relationships for a self-serving purpose. But you can’t make an informed decision until you give credit to viewpoints other than your own.

STOP recruiting support.

Campaign efforts to tell your “side” of the story only create division and should be saved for team sports and political efforts. In families and at work, there may be people with whom you don’t click, but no good comes when individuals form alliances against others on the same team. If you’ve done nothing wrong, no defense strategy is required. The more you argue your point the less valid it becomes. If someone is being a jerk or treating you unfairly, others will see that. Adding your own noise to the chaos only calls your integrity into question. It’s not your job to correct the problem if you are not the problem, or change minds that are content to stay fixed. Everyone has the right to be wrong.

START creating positive interactions.

When a relationship contains animosity, look for opportunities to share experiences that bring you together. Extend an invitation for lunch, ask for advice on an issue of their expertise, and notice the successes they have in other areas. Find something you have in common and initiate conversations that create camaraderie. Offer sincere compliments, smile when you are around them and go out of your way to support them when you can. Be willing to fake it until you make it. When you find yourself thinking negatively about a person, refocus on their positive attributes or think about something else. Accept the person for who they are, not who you think they should be. Who they are and what they think is actually none of your business.

STOP talking when you feel angry.

Nothing positive is created with negative energy. Losing control of your emotions is a sure way to not get what you want. When conversations take a turn for the worse, recognize that it needs to be tabled for another time. Communicate this politely and remove yourself from volatile situations that are headed in the wrong direction. Saying, “I need some time to put this into perspective before I respond” demonstrates respect for both points of view. It may be five minutes in the restroom and it may be a few weeks. You may return only to discover it doesn’t matter anymore. But putting space between the trigger and your response allows you to calmly assess the situation and repair relationships that are struggling.

START listening to what’s being said instead of how it’s being said.

Relationships are based on interdependence and communication is critical as we give, take, share and exchange. Being too dependent on someone leads to resentment by both parties as control issues create imbalance. Being completely independent cancels the need for the relationship. Interdependance requires discussion. Learn to accept messages without shooting the messenger. If a conversation bothers you, recognize that it’s not the person that’s the problem. It’s your reaction to that person.

STOP taking things personally.

What others say and do tells you who they are. It’s not about you. Your feelings about the actions and words of others are your own responsibility. No one is obligated to make you feel better and no one can make you feel bad unless you agree to do so. Shameful put-downs and subtle snobbery are emotional manipulators. They can and should be ignored. No one can push your buttons without access, so keep healthy boundaries and recognize your vulnerabilities so they do not work against you. When someone approaches you with a legitimate concern, listen and take corrective action if you agree. If not, assert yourself in a respectful way, agree to disagree and accept the consequences of subsequent events. We all make mistakes and need guidance from time to time. Learn to take constructive feedback without internalizing it as criticism. When someone is having a bad day and wants to take it out on you, don’t feel obligated to share in their distress. When you realize the actions of others do not reflect who you are, you’ll repair relationships and experience personal and professional success.

START envisioning the ideal dynamic and behave as though it is already a reality.

You can’t change anyone but yourself, so become the change you want to see. It takes two people to participate in conflict but only one to decline the offer. Relationships have three components: two individuals and one dynamic of exchange. This provides you with two avenues of influence. When dealing with people who are mandatory (your boss/coworker) or desired (family or friend) look for ways to alter your own thoughts, words and behavior to create positive interactions. If you don’t like what you are getting out of a relationship, change what you are putting into it.

Good luck! May the force of peace be with you as you repair relationships that matter!

Aging Well

Aging Well

My dad, his brother and his sister.

Aging Well: According to the glossy Retirement Community brochures and the sexy Cialis commercials, our golden years promise to include long walks on the beach, golf and games with friends, and loving physical contact when the “time is right.”  So if you can handle a few laugh lines, age spots and gray hair, and find a trendy pair of reading glasses that enhance your intellectual demeanor, life is worth the wait as the final chapters are best.

But more and more of us are suffering as we age. Dementia, diabetes, heart disease and arthritis make us sore, stiff and slow. Our time is spent with specialists and our money goes to medications. Instead of waking up well, we wake up feeling disabled, depleted and disappointed.

Life has a 100% mortality rate, and the conditions of old age are increasingly accepted as part of the process. If that depresses you for longer than two weeks, see your doctor. But according to The Disease Delusion by Dr. Jeffrey Bland, there are 2 powerful misconceptions limiting our vitality in the golden years.

First, our approach to health care is outdated. When early 20th century medical pioneers developed antibiotics and immunizations, they were able to eradicate infectious diseases as the leading cause of death in a single generation. This amazing accomplishment saved countless lives, maybe even your own. And now we all know that germs are bad, and we stay home when we’re sick. We get the flu shot in hopes to avoid the latest strain.

But not even 100 years after we invented penicillin, 80 percent of ailments are considered chronic disease, and unlike strep throat, do not have a single causative factor. The infection model of pill-for-the-ill approach doesn’t offer a cure.  Anti-inflammatories may reduce the swelling and pain in our joints, but arthritis is not the result of an acetaminophen-deficiency. And as most drugs are designed to promote, alter or block a specific physiological process, serious side effects can occur when those same cellular mechanisms cause imbalance in our healthy organs.

The Reductionist approach to our body systems fails to acknowledge that each organ intimately affects the others. For example, it’s considered normal after 50 to consult an urologist for an awkward issue of erectile dysfunction. But ultimately, a lack of blood flow to a peripheral organ is an early symptom of vascular disease. Vascular disease is caused by atherosclerosis, a buildup of cholesterol in the arteries. You may look and feel sexy enough to warrant a daily dose of Viagra, but you might want to consider visiting your cardiologist first.

The other “Disease Delusion” is that our illnesses are mostly an expression of our genetic makeup. But the relentless risk forms that require family histories aren’t nearly as relevant as we’ve thought.

Consider the BRCA gene. In 2013, women who carry this gene have an 85% increased risk of having breast cancer. And women everywhere are opting for double, radical mastectomies to avoid what is almost inevitable. But in 1940, the BRCA mutation only indicated a 24 percent risk increase. How can this be? It’s the same gene! Ah, but the gene doesn’t cause the cancer. It must be “turned on” by the environment.

And our lifestyles have changed dramatically. Our foods are grown with pesticides, thoroughly processed and wrapped in plastic, shelf-life guaranteed. In food factories, Mother Nature’s living flavors are exchanged for artificial ingredients and eye-catching colors, and promoted on a grocery isle end-cap with a Buy-One-Get-One-Free coupon.

In addition, we are stressed and exhausted and over-stimulated by 24-hour news channels that advertise the next new drug for the same old pain. We don’t move enough, we don’t get outside, and we feel…

Old.

Who wants to live long if you aren’t aging well and waking up awesome every day?

But there is hope. Good health isn’t something you pray for, it’s something you choose, and I don’t mean via Medicare plans, or meals of Lean Cuisine Light. Quite the contrary, it is freedom from both. Aging well is an option, should you choose to do what it takes.

8 Tips for Waking Up Awesome and Aging Well:

  1. Stop eating processed foods. If it comes from a package, it was made in a factory and likely contains ingredients that are toxic. Headaches, heart aches and hormonal imbalances are caused by chemicals in our food. When you crave potato chips, cookies or a zesty marinade, make them from scratch. Spend time preparing your food, or lose time feeling ill.
  1. Eat whole foods filled with color. Plants are filled with antioxidants, phytochemicals and living enzymes. These are the micronutrients that keep digestion, immunity and brain function running on all cylinders. Fruits, vegetables nuts and seeds are also filled with fiber, essential to keep the digestive track moving and clean, which in turn strengthens the immune system.
  1. Drink 5-8 glasses of water a day. This maximizes cellular activities, promotes detox and keeps your skin glowing.
  1. Stop drinking soda pop. It is now being recognized as the biggest contributor to obesity and diabetes (newly coined as diabesity). Regular colas contain high fructose corn syrup, which spikes the blood sugar and leads to insulin immunity. Since fructose is only processed in the liver, it also leads to non-alcoholic fatty liver, and severely inhibits the function of that organ.  Diet colas have saccharine or aspartame, and regardless of the source, these chemicals promote carbohydrate cravings, increase hunger and can lead to neurological damage.
  1. Eat organic as much as possible, especially meat and dairy. Factory farmed animals are given growth hormones to maximize their size and minimize the lifespan it takes to mature so they can be harvested sooner. Those are not hormones you want in your body! Factory farms consume 70% of our nation’s supply of antibiotics in attempt to prevent the diseases that naturally arise in filthy living conditions. (No one can clean a chicken coup with 60,000 chickens in it!) These antibiotics affect your gut flora and digestive health, and not to mention lead to antibiotic resistance.
  1. Eat less meat and dairy, if only to make room for more vegetables because you need them. Make the main course plant-based, and include only small portions of lean meat. Minimize cheese. Experiment with coconut, almond and soy milk; try hummus, avocado and cashews for creams. Your taste buds will adapt to whatever they think is “normal.” If you want a piece of cheese, eat it with joy and savor the flavor. Otherwise, skip it.
  1. If you have high cholesterol, go vegan. Our bodies are able to synthesize all the cholesterol we need, so any excess comes from food. Plants don’t have any. Work with your doctor as the results come fast (within weeks, you can be off medication)!
  1. Find a movement that you enjoy, and do it outside as often as possible. Every day, take several 5 minute breaks to breathe 10 deep breaths. Make them slow and controlled; match the inhale to the exhale. Direct your mind to focus on the sound, the sensations and finding tension to release. If you are forgetful, plug a reminder into your phone. In as little as 5 minutes, you will reduce cortisol and adrenaline levels, and induce a sense of peace, empowerment and well-being.

Aging well is awesome. Do it.

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